In many sessions and conversations, a center point of discovery is around a simple yet profoundly nuanced question: "What is truly important to me in life?", which then invariable leads to "What do I genuinely desire?".
To bring more clarity and make the question more focused and less overwhelming, we start by discovering what is most important for the client and what they value most - we attempt to uncover what their core values are.
Core values represent the fundamental beliefs and guiding principles that steer our choices and behavior, embodying our deepest priorities. They represent the essential convictions that steer our decisions and actions.
At the outset of conversations around core values, I often encounter the "conventional" values: family, friendships, love, happiness, children, spouse, career, as well as qualities like honesty, fulfillment, purpose, and meaning.
Beyond the Surface: Escaping the Clutches of Knee-Jerk Values
These are all great. And for some, they represent integral aspects of their value structure. Yet, frequently, these responses stem from acquired or adopted values and are not always a faithful reflection of our innermost desires. They might be values we believe we ought to uphold, rather than those that authentically resonate. At times, these values remain vague or lack specificity, leaving us uncertain about how to breathe life into them. They feel like a nice-to-have.
However, they lack the personal touch needed to propel us forward, failing to evoke vivid visions and prevent a sense of heartfelt inspiration.
I refer to these as "Knee-Jerk"-values.
While they may appear appealing and even elicit positive emotions, they are often accompanied by a caveat – a sort of internal "yes, but…" akin to trying on ill-fitting clothes like a pair of jeans that are too loose or tight. It's just not a perfect fit.
But then there are also the "Full-F*#k-Yes"-values.
When we land on these values, time and time again, I invariably hear a variation of "This totally feels like Me!" or "This is who I am!".
This exciting exclamation is often accompanied by a genuine smile, a sigh of relief, a relaxing of shoulders, or an exhale, followed by silence. The silence indicates that something has been touched, something important, a tender spot, something meaningful.
When I ask clients "What just happened?" in that moment, the say that it feels like making contact with something real inside of them, a rendezvous with their essence, an encounter with their true and authentic Self.
Being witness to these moments is truly captivating and makes this work so rewarding and meaningful.
Finding your Own Groove: From Obligation to Inspiration
Everybody has a different set of core values, a different hierarchy of what comes first, second, third, and so on. It's like a fingerprint, identifying the things that you value and prioritize most in your life.
When we fill our days with thoughts, actions and things that are in alignment with our core values, we feel more inspired, more confident and tend to achieve more. We are in a state of inspiration, we are intrinsically motivated, and we naturally are engaged with the task at hand.
When your Full-F*#k-Yes-Values are in place, you stop living in the Must's, the Should's and the Have-To's, and start operating from the Get-To's and Want-To's. We start to rewrite our day-to-day story of who we are and what we align to. It's quite the paradigm shift, in the most practical and applicable manner.
What are your Full-F*#k-Yes Values? If it sounds like something you're missing, learn more by reading the other posts on the topic, or feel free to get in touch directly.