Does this sound like you?
I feel overwhelmed, stressed out, even close to burnout. I have experienced this before and don't want it to happen again.
I feel like I have lost myself. I feel disconnected. I'm not even sure who I am anymore.
I feel used up at the end of the day. I know I need to recharge, but finding the time to do that is impossible.
Who I am presenting to the outside world is not how I feel on the inside. It's exhausting. What is the point of all of this?
I frequently skip lunch breaks, or eat hastily while continuing to work. I hardly have adequate time for personal relationships, it's always go-go-go.
There is a feeling of frustration. Career and work take precedence over everything else. I say Yes to things in an attempt to please the right people, even though I wonder how I will ever be able to get it all done.
I feel drained. I don't feel rested when I wake up. It feels like a ton of weight on my shoulders.
I wake up with aches and pains, but know I must go on.
I have sacrificed my own own well-being and self-care for way too long. But if I don't continue like this, they may let me go or someone else might take my place.
I'm stuck and not sure why. I know I should be grateful, my career is going well, I'm financially independent, and I receive recognition for my work. And yet, something is missing.
My mind is constantly running. The thought of going through another day like yesterday creates tension in my body and I dread the alarm clock going off. Things that once felt easy and joyous are now hard, or I don't enjoy them anymore.
Having fun and living a joyous life is but a distant dream. Taking a break seems like a sin.
“In most of our human relationships, we spend much of our time reassuring one another that our costumes of identity are on straight.”
Once we really dive in
The above are some of the things I hear repeatedly from the men and women I work with. Maybe you recognise yourself in some of them?
When I dive deeper with my clients, we arrive at topics such as self-image, identity and self-worth. We explore all of the thought patterns, beliefs and behaviours that keep them from experiencing themselves more authentically, relaxed, joyful, loving and in their feminine.
Some of the questions that then come up are:
Who am I without my job or career? What would my identity even look like? What makes me actually me?
What's left of me if it weren't for my achievements, the position in the company or my impressive CV? I sense a kind of emptiness outside of my career or occupation.
How can I enjoy life more? How can I experience a different reality, more aligned with my true self and inner knowing?
Where to go from here? I have this feeling of being lost. What should be my next step? What do I truly want and what is important to me?
Clients often realise that they depend on one source of worthiness and completeness which is often their work or career, or their everyday occupation. It has become their pillar of self-worth, self-acceptance and self-love. But it's also their kryptonite because they can never control all of the variables and ultimately will be subjected to the eventualities of life.
If motivators are external in nature, they might change or fall away. A client once put it into the following words:
"Eventually you will fail, eventually you’ll make a bad decision, eventually you won’t be prepared enough in a meeting, eventually you’ll get a bad review, eventually they’ll let you go because of economic reasons, eventually you’ll get sick and won’t be able to work. And then what? Who am I then? What is left of me then?"
Constant comparison becomes a crippling habit leading to a lot of pain, anxiety and suffering. And there is also a certain type of glamour that comes with achieving things, especially in the societal and professional environments we find ourselves in today.
They speak about feeling trapped in the sense that the relationship with themselves is so linked to their achievements, recognition, and their ability to work and deliver - that when these external things are gone, taken away or are no longer available, then there is a sense that nothing is left of themselves, that they have a hard time seeing past their professional identity. Some refer to this as a feeling of emptiness.
They exhaust themselves on a regular basis with things they can measure, in business as well as private life. They are punishing their bodies and minds in exchange for the reward of temporarily feeling better about themselves. They hardly accept themselves the way they are.
They say that they are usually feeling one step away from collapse and loosing everything they've worked so hard for. It appears to be more promising and less frightening to control the external environment than looking inside.
Navigating the external world is known territory, with well-trodden paths and clear rules. However, embarking on the journey inward can be a very scary endeavour. You cannot predict or control what you might find and uncover.
“Identity cannot be found or fabricated but emerges from within when one has the courage to let go.”
What if ...?
We are often so busy trying to achieve the things we think we want and need. We are usually surrounded by other people who do the same. It can therefore be incredibly challenging to even take a moment and ask ourselves "What do I really want? Where is this all going? Am I truly happy? Am I following my heart, and am I doing with my life what I am supposed to be doing?"
There is a place we visit in these tumultuous moments called Deep Down. We say to ourselves and others "Deep down I know I'm ok", or "Deep down I feel that everything will turn out fine". Yet, there is resistance in ourselves and we don't act as though we truly believe what we are saying. We are trying to control the outcome of situations while expending an enormous effort in the process. And when it doesn't work out the way we want, we get frustrated, angry, sad or upset, using up even more energy.
When clients get in touch with me, they are ready to make that leap and cross the bridge into unknown territory. The downsides of staying where they are have become too great. They choose to move beyond their fears. Staying where they are is not an option anymore. They are open to approaching their current challenges in new ways. They are willing to commit. That might mean leaving familiar and well-trodden paths behind to make room for new ones.
With an open mind, fresh perspectives, insights and new possibilities can be created. Through this, behaviours, habits and strategies can be further developed, and of course individually tailored to your needs and personality.
And you don't have to do it all by yourself. You have a choice to go on this journey with someone at your side. This is where I come in and support you with my expertise and knowledge.